For a child who is shy, avoidance is often their instinctual reaction to social situations. It will take time to warm up to their teacher and classmates and gain confidence to initiate conversations and make friends. While they are acclimating to their environment and the people in it, here are a few strategies you can try to get your child ready to venture into independence in developing friendships. The best place to start is at home, then create opportunities in the community, and finally, talk with your child’s teacher.

Starting at home gives you the opportunity to help them in a controlled environment. This is where your child should feel they are important to you and valued. It is crucial for your child’s self-esteem and confidence. Strive to give them at least 15 minutes of your undivided attention daily where they can talk to you about anything and you are being a good listener. Additionally, playing games is a great way to work on social skills such as patience, taking turns, and winning or losing gracefully. Leading your child spiritually has a very important place in building social skills.  Showing them in the Bible what God says about friends gives them a healthy perspective of their role. Luke 6:31, the Golden Rule, is probably one of the most well-known biblical statements on friendship; treat others the way you want to be treated. Bring this to their attention in real time when you see them breaking the Golden Rule bringing an awareness of how their behavior impacts others. Also, Proverbs 18:24 states that a man who has friends has shown himself to be friendly. This can lead to ongoing talks about what that looks like. What does it mean to be friendly? (be kind, helpful, a good listener, etc.) How can I do that even if I don’t have a friend?

Create opportunities outside of school where your child can socialize with their peers. A recreational sport, going to a public playground, or joining a club provide ways for your child to use their growing social skills for shorter durations of time as opposed to the 7 hours in school. As you get to know other parents in the school, you can invite a friend over to play or perhaps arranging a time to meet at a playground for 1 or 2 hours would be less pressure at the beginning.

A third strategy in helping your child develop good social skills is to enlist the help of his/her teacher. Meet with the teacher to find out what she sees in class, at lunch, and on the playground. She observes the social dynamics of the group daily. There are ways a teacher can naturally foster a friendship in the classroom with a child compatible with yours.

In short, spend 15 minutes of uninterrupted time in conversation with your child every day and play games or other activities that allow them to practice using their social skills. Show them biblical guidelines for friendship, give them opportunities to socialize outside of school, and solicit the help of your child’s teacher. Being purposeful in parenting your child through such an important life skill will reap many benefits for your child throughout their academic career. It is a journey you will be thankful you embarked on with your child.